He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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