so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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