and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
