Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
