And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
