Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
