Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
zippers are such a cool invention
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
