$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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