Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
