I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
