And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
