Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
