Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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