i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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