pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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