So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he thought i was a dude.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
