I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
