You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
