just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
