I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
