As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
