He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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