So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
