You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
