what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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