I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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