Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Randomize
