We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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