im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
