you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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