I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
