idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize