help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
