i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
