he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
