I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
