i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
