I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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