She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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