Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize