Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
