HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
