He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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