Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
