One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
