Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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