I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
