Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
