I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
