I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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