I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
