i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
