My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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