you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
