Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
