he puts the penis in happiness.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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