Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
