Will you blow on my dice?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
