Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
