You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
