none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
