yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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