My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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