i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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