So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Enjoy the penises
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
