"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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