We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
