You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
