allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize