i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have aggressive nipples.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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