I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
