Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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