He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The air taste purple.
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