i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
