I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
