Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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