I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
