i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
