so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
