Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
