I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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