Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
