"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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