Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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