Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
