kristin has been a bad kristin
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
