Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
