I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
