so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
