you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
