The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
