bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
