saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize