she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
