from now on my penis is your penis
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
