I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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