Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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