She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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