i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize