New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
